Two Paths

I can still remember my first day of high school at Woodstock Academy in Woodstock, CT. I remember getting very little sleep the night before. I remember have a nosebleed when I woke up. I remember sitting in Dr. Smith's senior English class for a full 15 minuets before having the stones to stand up and walk out!

I also remember my actual freshman year English teacher, Mr. Bob Kirk. I remember how he announced that instead of following the usual curriculum for 9th grade English, grammar, we would be studying American Lit. I remember how on the first day of class he broke down in tears as he told us a story about a "first day" that he had, namely his first day as a soldier in Vietnam. That story is still so vivid in my mind some 15 years later...

Something else I remember about Mr. Kirk is that he was the one who introduced me to Robert Frost. Frost is probably best remembered for his poem "The Road Not Taken," first published in 1916. The text follows:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I don't know why, but every time I think of this poem now, I'm reminded of the two paths that another work of literature speaks on, namely, the Gospel of Matthew. Recording the words of Jesus, Matthew writes that there are two paths, one narrow that leads to salvation, and the other broad, leading to destruction.

So few, happening upon the narrow road choose to follow it. In the words of Robert Frost, I-I took the one less traveled by, and that has indeed made all the difference!

She wanted me

To know my oldest daughter is to look back into my own past. We are so much alike, sometimes I wonder if all that separates us is an y chromosome and 26 years.

Also, because we are so much alike, we tend to clash at times. We went through a phase not long ago where I would come home and rather then meeting me at the door, she would cry and tell me to go back to work! It bothered me for a few weeks, but then I remembered that I can be the same way. Allie simply does not like her routine interrupted. Needless to say, however, she is a mommy's girl.

The fact that I always wanted to be a Dad for as long as I can remember, and the fact that she is our first born makes that tough at times. I want so badly to be her big, strong hero. I have that relationship with her little sister, and though its not the same with my son, he and I will have tons of fun together. I live for the moments when Allie lets me into her circle...

My family has been struggling with illness. Just two nights ago Allie was complaining of an ear ache. We took care of it as best we could that night and put her to bed. Around 2 AM came a cry from Allie's bedroom, and much to my surprise she didn't cry for her mother, but for me.
One of the sweetest words for me to hear is Daddy. Of course I rushed to her aide, and for the next ten minuets was allowed into that circle. In that short expanse of time, all the frustration and work that is sometimes our relationship became null and void, because I was her hero, her protector, her comforter, her Daddy...

The Gift

I have been truly blessed by God. For some reason, God has given me a large capacity to care about others, some of whom I barely know. Perhaps its the Spiritual Gift of Mercy. I don't really know.

I think one of the hardest things to do is to watch people that you care about make bad choices and not be able to stop them. Perhaps allowing them to fail is what I mean.

I think of the students that I've had in the past. Mostly girls who've gotten into trouble with boys. For example, I had one student who jumped from one bad relationship directly into another, and then, despite how much I loved her and wanted the best for her, she got pregnant.

I had another student get expelled for drugs, and he was a good kid, just made poor choices. Ironically the same officer had arrested this student's father mere days before placing him in cuffs.

A girl I worked with years ago just couldn't stay away from this one guy who was bad news. She ended up as a dropout, drugged out kid who had so much potential. Last I heard she had yet to build on that potential...

Its not to say that God doesn't take our worst and make things better. Thank God He is constantly making lemonade from my lemons. But its still so hard. I think one of the reasons that he allows me to feel this way about people is so I can have just a glimpse of what it must be like for Him.

Time and again I've broken God's heart. He love me infinitely more then I will ever love anyone, my children included. Yet He stands by and lets me fall on my face, only to pick me up, dust me off, remind me of his love and sends me on my way. And then, like clockwork, I return to my sin.

Sin is our taskmaster. Its ridiculous really. We've been made free and yet we return daily to our burden and willingly subject ourselves to the pains of sin. I can't imagine the plight of slaves in the American south, how happy they must have been when the War granted them their freedom. How foolish it must have been for those who had grown so psycologically attached to their slavery that they returned to it despite their freedom.

God is so gracious. I pray that he continues to be so with me. I also pray that as he pours this love for others into me that I am able to stand it when they slowly kill themselves through bad choice after bad choice.

On second thought, maybe this gift of love is really a curse in disguise. I am faced with the fact that I will die a thousand-thousand tiny deaths in my lifetime due to the paths others will choose to take. God help me to bare it! Help me to help them, and to be more like you, loving, patient and gracious with them as you are with me. I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused your heart. Please forgive me. I love you.

Amen.