Victim...Perhaps

Victim. It’s such a harsh word…victim.

What’s harsher than the word victim is actually being one.

When I was 9, I was a victim. For 6 long months I was abused.

You know, it’s amazing how much a person is shaped by what happens to them, especially when they are young. The experience of being molested is still fresh in my mind, though over the last 20 years or so I’ve grown numb to the pain. And yet strangely, I wouldn’t go back in time and change what happened.

That may sound VERY odd. But I think what happened to me is the chief thing that makes me so compassionate towards broken and hurting people. I’ve had the privilege to be a councilor to people with similar experiences as myself. Some of those been haven't been abused, but still have had tough lives.

I think of the girl living with the memory of her father who killed himself because he believed his daughter no longer loved him. I think of my friend in high school who was raped just before I met her. I think of the young man that I knew whose step-father had molested him. I think of the young woman who had an abortion.

I have been a part of all of these peopels lives, and though only one actually knew about by own experiece, I was able to be a part of their healing, at least for a time.

I think back to the biblical story of Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, and was eventually used to save not only his family, but the nation of Egypt. What man had meant for evil, God meant for good.

Well, while I’m no Joseph, and I won’t be used to save a nation, I know that God used this horrible experience to allow me to help others. And that is healing in its own right. Even just typing these words is therapeutic. Being a victim of abuse is not typically something that people share about themselves, especially men. It seems weak, shameful; but it just is what it is. I mean, how would you even broach that? “Hi, I’m Mark, and I was abused as a child, it’s nice to meet you.”

I don’t want pity. I don’t want to be understood. I certainly don’t want to be treated differently. Being a victim is simply part of who I am.

Victim. It’s such a harsh word…victim. Perhaps a better word is survivor. Yes, that’s what I am, a survivor, and so much more. I’m an overcomer. I have risen above my circumstances and overcome.