The Gift

I have been truly blessed by God. For some reason, God has given me a large capacity to care about others, some of whom I barely know. Perhaps its the Spiritual Gift of Mercy. I don't really know.

I think one of the hardest things to do is to watch people that you care about make bad choices and not be able to stop them. Perhaps allowing them to fail is what I mean.

I think of the students that I've had in the past. Mostly girls who've gotten into trouble with boys. For example, I had one student who jumped from one bad relationship directly into another, and then, despite how much I loved her and wanted the best for her, she got pregnant.

I had another student get expelled for drugs, and he was a good kid, just made poor choices. Ironically the same officer had arrested this student's father mere days before placing him in cuffs.

A girl I worked with years ago just couldn't stay away from this one guy who was bad news. She ended up as a dropout, drugged out kid who had so much potential. Last I heard she had yet to build on that potential...

Its not to say that God doesn't take our worst and make things better. Thank God He is constantly making lemonade from my lemons. But its still so hard. I think one of the reasons that he allows me to feel this way about people is so I can have just a glimpse of what it must be like for Him.

Time and again I've broken God's heart. He love me infinitely more then I will ever love anyone, my children included. Yet He stands by and lets me fall on my face, only to pick me up, dust me off, remind me of his love and sends me on my way. And then, like clockwork, I return to my sin.

Sin is our taskmaster. Its ridiculous really. We've been made free and yet we return daily to our burden and willingly subject ourselves to the pains of sin. I can't imagine the plight of slaves in the American south, how happy they must have been when the War granted them their freedom. How foolish it must have been for those who had grown so psycologically attached to their slavery that they returned to it despite their freedom.

God is so gracious. I pray that he continues to be so with me. I also pray that as he pours this love for others into me that I am able to stand it when they slowly kill themselves through bad choice after bad choice.

On second thought, maybe this gift of love is really a curse in disguise. I am faced with the fact that I will die a thousand-thousand tiny deaths in my lifetime due to the paths others will choose to take. God help me to bare it! Help me to help them, and to be more like you, loving, patient and gracious with them as you are with me. I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused your heart. Please forgive me. I love you.

Amen.