Wondering...

Honestly, I use this blog to do a lot of my thinking out loud so to speak. I find it very therapeutic. Lately, my thoughts have been dominated by my relationship with my three kids, specifically what that relationship will be like in 10 years when they are approaching adolescence, and in 20 years when all of them will be out of the house.

Sometimes I'm afraid of what the last part will be like. Will they move far away? Will they call? Will I still be able to hug and kiss them? What will my life be like without them around every day? I try not to think about the negative aspects and try to remember that my job is to mold them into the best adults I can.

I think about my oldest, whom I've just begun to build a good relationship with. She is so much like me that I KNOW there will be fierce battles when she is a teenager, and I worry that I will drive her away. And to tell the truth, she may be the one who heads out into the world and do the best and be the most successful. I just want to be a part of that.

I think about my middle daughter, who is truly daddy's little girl. She's the one who wants to cuddle and be close, who wants to tell me everything about her day. I think she will be a homebody, but I can't imagine her going off to college let alone thinking about the man who will one day take her from me...

I think about my son, my little buddy. We're still learning his personality, and I look into that face and worry what kind of man I'm raising. Will he face the same trials that I did? Will he be the athlete that I wanted to be? Will I be o.k. if he's into drama or music instead of sports?

At the very least, I want my kids to think fondly of me when they are grown, and want to tell their kids stories about their Dad to their children, and I want to model what a good man is supposed to be, so my two daughters will find good men to spend their lives with, and so my son will be proud to one day say, I am just like my father, and I'm glad for that...